


You Made Me Feel Weak

by wisteriawrites



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Implied Switching, M/M, Not actually though, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Predebut ATEEZ, Unrequited Love, Woosan Arguments, sorry - Freeform, there’s no mention of junyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29569245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisteriawrites/pseuds/wisteriawrites
Summary: San has struggled with his feelings for Wooyoung for years. Everything came to a head before ATEEZ's debut, leading to him almost abandoning the group.Since then, he's tried to forget his feelings. He just wants to go through with their busy schedules and sing and make people happy. Instead of getting easier as time goes on, things just get harder and harder, especially with how much the Woosan fanservice gets pushed.San's just afraid instead of being truly happy.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

San enjoyed his life. He really did, even though he sometimes felt like he was just drifting through it. 

He had a job that he didn’t absolutely hate. His parents didn’t nag him very much anymore. His friends made him happier than he could have ever thought friends could. He loved going out with them, whether it be for lunch or to just walk around aimlessly. 

His friends had gotten him where he was. They’d given him a role in all of this, taught him to dance even though he had no clue what he was doing, hadn’t given up on him when he already had given up. San would probably be nowhere if it weren’t for them. 

It had been a joke, at first, when he’d suggested they form a shadow - a mock - of an idol group together. The next morning, Hongjoong had texted him, asking how far he thought they could take it and the rest was history. With his major in music production along with Mingi, they had thrown together something similar to an album. It didn’t have a name, none of the songs even had names, but it was created and it was like a baby to them. A baby with eight parents.

Yunho and Wooyoung had been put in charge of choreography. Yeosang and Wooyoung were both former trainees already, and Yeosang had drilled everything he’d learned into all of them. Jongho was like a god among them, the definition of maknae on top, and was something like a vocal coach. And Seonghwa… Well, Seonghwa was a lot like San, actually. He was really just along for the ride and enjoying it all. 

Two years and a lot of money saving later, they were able to have their first busking session, and Into The New World was born. Their following was small, mostly foreigners, but it was rewarding enough. 

Yet, even after all that, the thing that made him the happiest was Jung Wooyoung. Wooyoung, with his shrill laughter and his busy energy, had rubbed off on San in the best ways. His gay awakening had been followed by a crush on him, and the crush had somehow turned to love that he was still stuck on to this day. And he always kept it to himself.

Not because he wanted to. He wanted nothing more than to tell Wooyoung how he felt, even if it could ruin the whole dynamic of the group. The few times he’d had the courage to try, someone had always walked in and distracted them, and it was quickly forgotten. So it was kept to himself for all this time, even though he was sure everyone but Wooyoung realized what was going on. He wasn’t exactly slick, always flinging his arms around him or patting him affectionately on the ass. So Wooyoung either already knew and wasn’t saying anything to spare San’s heart, or he was really just an idiot that didn’t realize. San was leaning more towards the former, though.

Life went on as normal, regardless of San’s feelings. Work, school, busk. Sometimes lunch or dinner together or a night of bar hopping. Normal things like that. 

He never expected busking in front of a 7-Eleven to land them where they currently were. None of them had even noticed the blatantly obvious entertainment building seated snuggly on top of the convenience store. The music must have drawn someone inside out, and that someone had pulled Hongjoong aside while they were packing up. When he returned to them, looking aghast, they didn’t expect what he said. 

“We just got offered a contract with KQ Entertainment.”

There was silence throughout them all before Mingi spoke up. “You said yes, though.” Hongjoong didn’t answer, and the anticipation bubbled over when Wooyoung stood on his toes, scanning for the person Hongjoong had just left. There was a hand over his mouth before he could shout anything at them, and then hands smacked over the rest of the problem children, San included. Seonghwa looked to Hongjoong in a way that signalled him to explain.

“They said that we already basically function like a trained group - thank you, Yeosang - and would need minimal training. Maybe a year, but I didn’t say yes because this is a group decision,” he said, ever the leader. Everyone that had been silenced nodded their heads enthusiastically. Jongho looked ecstatic, Seonghwa hummed his approval. The only one who looked on the fence was Yeosang. 

Wooyoung wrenched Seonghwa’s hand away from his mouth. “Yeosangie?” 

Yeosang sighed. “I don’t know.” The mood of the entire group dropped at just the few words. “It’s not exactly the best life that people think.” 

“It’s a small company, not like BigHit. It might be different,” Yunho pleaded with his puppy eyes. Everyone else had a similar expression, all fixed on Yeosang. It wasn’t until he looked from Mingi to Wooyoung that he seemed to give in. 

“Okay.”

Cheers erupted among them, a small smile spread across Yeosang’s hesitant face, as Hongjoong jogged back to the staff member to let them know their decision. When they both went their own ways, it was Wooyoung who suggested, “Lets go fucking party.” 

❅

“Why was this a good idea, again?” San shouted over the music, across the bar at Yunho. It wasn’t his roommate who answered, but Wooyoung who was sitting between them. 

“Because we all need to get laid for the last time!”

“You say that like you won’t get laid under contract anyway,” Yunho responded, using his hands to gesture for Wooyoung to lower his volume. He really was loud, even in the atmosphere of the bar. 

Admittedly, San wasn’t drunk enough to get laid in a shitty bar bathroom by a random stranger. He had to be just the right amount of drunk to forget his morals, but not so drunk he would puke down the guy’s back. He wasn’t there yet. Wooyoung and Yunho’s voices faded away as he signalled the bartender to top him off. 

He heard a choked off sound as Yunho set his glass down and said something about joining Mingi somewhere else. As soon as he was gone, Wooyoung stole his seat and his thigh pressed against San’s. He jabbed an elbow into his side lightly. “You don’t look excited.”

“Give it a minute to kick in,” San said, downing the rest of his drink before more was dropped in. Wooyoung laughed and leaned against his shoulder. The weight was dead, like he already didn’t have control over his motor functions, and San considered cutting him off for the night. The warmth of his skin bled through San’s sleeve, alerting him of just how close they were. 

Suddenly, Wooyoung sat up bolt straight and turned around in his seat. San followed the movement, trying to find whatever caught his attention. He didn’t see anything interesting. “What’s up?”

“Thought I heard someone calling me.”

“I don’t think you’ll be hearing anyone over this right now,” he snorted. Wooyoung took a swig from San’s glass and made a face, apparently not liking his taste in drinks. It hit him that they were alone. Chances of being interrupted were low, considering everyone else was scattered about the bar. 

“Hey, Wooyoung-”

“Hold on a sec,” Wooyoung interrupted. “I have to use the bathroom.”

He stood up and left San alone, off on his search for the bathroom. He sipped at his drink, practicing his little confession in his head. It was the third run through that he realized Wooyoung had been gone a lot longer than he needed to be. A quick scan of the area around him brought no image of his friend, and with worry in his gut, he ventured off into the bar to find him. 

And find him he did. He found Wooyoung pressed up against a wall, someone he didn’t recognize attached to his throat. Wooyoung’s head was tipped to the side beautifully, and his eyes cracked open to land on San. He gave a crooked smile and a thumbs up, and San understood. Wooyoung wasn’t interested in him. 

San had expected this. He’d always had the feeling Wooyoung didn’t care about his feelings for him, and he’d prepared himself for when it finally bubbled to the surface. All the preparation didn’t stop the hurt. 

He shot a half hearted thumbs up back and pulled out his phone to text Yunho that he was heading home on the off chance he actually checked it. He had a ride ordered before he even got outside.

❅

**San and all of his stuff are gone.**

Hongjoong’s heart had dropped out of his ass upon reading the text from Yunho that morning. They were supposed to be signing their contract and San was still nowhere to be found. It was only a matter of time before the staff would walk in the room and see that someone was missing. 

“Where the hell is he?” Jongho leaned in and whispered. Yunho pulled out his phone with their last few minutes ticking down and shook his head.

“He’s still not answering.”

Everyone collectively sighed and leaned back in their chairs. “What do we do?” Mingi asked. 

“We’ll have to try to buy some time to find him,” Seonghwa concluded, and everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone but Wooyoung. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet all day ever since they’d found out San had vanished. Hongjoong was about to ask him what he knew when the door swung open and a few people walked inside. They all stood to greet the staff, and everyone reseated themselves at the table. Mr. Kim was seated at the head, and his eyes scanned over them. 

“Weren’t there supposed to be eight of you?” 

They all exchanged looks, looks that ended up on Hongjoong. He sighed. “There was an issue. One of our members - San - he disappeared last night and isn’t answering his phone.”

“Has he decided not to go ahead with the contract?”

“Not that we know of, no,” Seonghwa tried. “He didn’t say anything about changing his mind. He just left.”

Mr. Kim hid his concerned expression with a raised brow. “Which of you saw him last?” Silence dragged on as they all tried to think of who they last saw San with until Wooyoung spoke up for the first time that day. 

“I did. We were out celebrating and I saw him leave.” 

“Is there any chance he never made it home?”

Yunho shook his head. “He was there. Pretty much everything he owns is gone, too.”

Mr. Kim leaned over to who Hongjoong assumed was his assistant to whisper something into her ear. She nodded. “What would you like to do?” 

“Can we have a chance to find him? Three days.” Hongjoong had a feeling asking for anything but one full day was pushing his luck already, but to his surprise, Mr. Kim nodded. 

“We can do that,” he said. “If you can’t, we’ll go ahead and launch an investigation. We will find him.” A wave of relief rushed over them all, and they were dismissed. They were hardly two steps onto the pavement outside when Jongho said, “His phone was in Geumsan when he deleted the location app.”

“Geumsan?” Yeosang balked. “What is he doing in Geumsan?” 

“I think I know.”

Every pair of eyes fell on Wooyoung. “I think he’s going back to Namhae,” he said after a pause. 

“Then we go talk to him.” There were a few nods at Mingi’s bold statement, but Wooyoung shook his head.

“I think only I should go. Too much will just overwhelm him and he won’t work with us.” Hongjoong agreed. He’d known San long enough now to know that he wouldn’t handle a serious confrontation like that well. “Besides, I know where his family lives. I’ve been there,” Wooyoung continued, and that was the nail in the coffin. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong said. “Wooyoung will go see if he can get San back on track and we’ll stay and try to buy for time.”

❅

San was fine. He was fine on the train, he was fine ignoring the flood of texts during his uber ride from the station, he was fine walking up the sidewalk to the front door of his parents’ house. He was fine. 

He wasn’t fine when his mother opened the door and he saw her shocked expression. Seeing her after living in Seoul for so long was what got to him, what broke the dam and allowed the tears to roll down his face. Byeol was rubbing excitedly against his ankles, but he didn’t even care to notice her. His mom pulled him down for a hug and let him cry against her shoulder as she pet his hair. 

He heard her ask what was wrong, what had happened, but he couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that they had been right, that Seoul and the people in it were too different from himself. He didn’t want to tell her that he didn’t think he could look at Wooyoung again, couldn’t sign a contract legally binding himself to living and working with Wooyoung, knowing he had no regard for his feelings. 

She let San disappear into his old room after he’d calmed down and a brief look from his father and grandparents. He didn’t plan on coming out for a while, but Byeol slipped through the door just before it closed and made herself at home on his bed. He slipped under the blanket around her, his eyes closed, suddenly heavy, and San fell into the sweetness of sleep. 

When he woke up, it was to a knock on the door. He thought it was just one of his family members coming to check on him after his meltdown. His response was mumbled but it was enough for the door to crack open and let in some light from the hallway, bright even behind his eyelids. 

“I thought you would be here.”

San’s eyes snapped open at the voice he had run away from, finding Wooyoung stood in his doorway. He sat up, disturbing Byeol and making her meow in offense. Wooyoung crept into the room and sat on the other end of the bed next to his feet. 

“I guess there really isn’t a nice way to say this, so… What the hell are you doing here? We were supposed to sign our contract today.” Despite his words, Wooyoung’s voice wasn’t accusatory. It still felt like it was, though, and San’s defensive attitude was up and ready.

“I changed my mind.”

“What do you mean, you changed your mind? You were one of the most excited of all of us. You don’t just change your mind overnight like that,” Wooyoung was still trying to be gentle, but irritation was bleeding through. 

“Well, I did.” He scooped Byeol up in his arms, her presence comforting. Wooyoung picked up on it right away. 

“Something happened.” He sounded so sure of himself. Still, San stubbornly shook his head. “Sannie, have you been crying?” 

His head seemed to be shaking on loop. It wouldn’t stop, even as he brought Byeol up closer to his chest and buried his face against her fur. Wooyoung’s hand touched his shoulder for less than a second before he jerked away. “Did I do something to you?” 

It was the confusion in Wooyoung’s voice that made San realize his friend truly was just an idiot. He didn’t want to believe that he was. He didn’t think Wooyoung was stupid, even though Wooyoung himself had expressed that he knew he wasn’t the smartest person in the world. But still, he had to resign himself to the fact that he didn’t realize what he had done. 

San shook his head one last time. “No.” His voice shook and betrayed himself of his tears. “I just wanted to come see my family,” he lied through his teeth. Wooyoung made a little sound. 

“San, you can still come see your family after this. It’s not like you’ll be banned from it forever.” 

“I know.”

When he put his hand on San’s shoulder again, he didn’t move away. He sniffled and looked up from Byeol’s back, meeting Wooyoung’s eyes for the first time. He gave San a reassuring smile, unaware of the real issue at hand. “Come on. Let's go back and debut.”

Despite himself, San nodded. He needed to remember that this wasn’t Wooyoung’s fault. He didn’t know that San would jump in front of a train for him if he asked. San set Byeol down on the bed and Wooyoung helped him bring his things to the front door while he hugged his family goodbye, apologized for not being present at all during his short lived visit. 

He sat across from Wooyoung on the train back to Seoul and listened to him chatter happily the entire way, silently hoping he could move past his feelings and keep them from ruining their career.

❅

San cricked his neck to the side to try and loosen his stance, rolled his shoulders to relieve the tension in them. The staff were bustling around to get the lights set up and his eyes followed them occasionally as they ran back and forth. 

The one behind the camera called his name to get his attention back where it was supposed to be. Right, they were filming the YouTube channel opening announcement. Hongjoong patted him on the shoulder quickly before the staff counted down, the little red light on the camera turned on, and then a thumbs up cued Hongjoong.

“Two, three,” he began, and then the rest of them joined in. “Eight makes one team. Hello, we’re ATEEZ!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hyung, have you ever been in love before?”
> 
> Seonghwa’s movements stopped immediately, his eyes falling from watching himself practice in the mirror to where San was sprawled out on the floor of the practice room, still panting. It was just the two of them left. All the others had gone home or to some other practice. Seonghwa wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before sitting down beside him. 
> 
> “Well, when I was in school I would get crushes-”
> 
> “No, no. Have you ever been in love? Actually in love?”

“Choi San,” Hongjoong announced as soon as he walked through the door to the dorms. “My room.” 

The members around him on the couch ooh’ed and picked at San as he stood from where he was sandwiched between all of them to follow Hongjoong to his room. The leader was waiting for him with the door held open and he walked inside with his head held low to avoid eye contact, even though he knew he’d done nothing wrong.

San sat down on the bed and once Hongjoong was sitting at his desk, he blurted. “I didn’t do it.”

“What didn’t you do?” 

“Whatever you’re about to yell at me for.”

Hongjoong sighed and rubbed his temples. “I’m not about to yell at you. But I do need to talk to you.” San relaxed, but only marginally. Hongjoong’s room was never good news. “Did something happen with you and Wooyoung?” 

San, ever the devil, played dumb. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t do that. It might work on Seonghwa, but it doesn’t work on me.” He pouted as Hongjoong went on. “You guys haven’t been speaking for days. People are starting to notice, too.”

“When have we done anything to clue people in?”

“San, he literally said he didn’t want to look at you on Idol Radio the other day. What are you arguing about now?”

And, yeah. He had him beat there. San sighed. “I don’t think he needs to be dieting and losing fourteen kilos like he wants to.” 

“It’s not your body.”

“No, but he’s perfectly fine the weight he is. He doesn’t need to lose weight,” he argued, hairs on the back of his neck stood on end like an angry cat. 

“I know,” Hongjoong said, exasperated. “Trust me, we all know. But he doesn’t realize that, so there’s nothing we can do.”

“We can convince him.” Hongjoong held up a hand to stop him, and San flopped back on the bed. He felt defeated, absolutely defeated because nobody would help him even though they all agreed with him. 

“Just drop it, San. I already tried and he’s dead set,” San turned onto his side, back facing his faithful leader. He stared ahead at the closed door, words going in one ear and out the other until they finally caught his attention again. “Go talk it out with him. ATINY don’t deserve watching you two argue even if they think it was just a joke this time.”

San turned back over to glare at Hongjoong. “You want me to apologize for being worried about his health?”

“Yes. You can argue when we aren’t in the middle of comeback promotions. Go,” he wagged his hand, shooing him away, until San got up and walked out the door. He paused outside the door to Wooyoung’s room, then went back to the lounge to check and make sure he would be alone. Yeosang and Jongho were both still on the couch, occasionally throwing popcorn at Seonghwa from across the room.

He went back to the door and knocked, then waited for an answer. He didn’t get one, so he just swung the door open and found Wooyoung sprawled on his bed, absorbed in his phone with headphones in. San approached him and plucked one out, getting an angry look in return. Wooyoung paused the video he was watching and sat up. “What do you want?”

“Do your diet,” he said as he sat down on the other side of the bed. “Make yourself happy. Just do it safely. Don’t starve yourself or be stupid about it.”

Wooyoung eyed him for a moment. “Thanks, but I don’t need your permission to do what I want.”

“I’m not giving you my permission. I’m trying to apologize.”

“That was a shitty apology,” Wooyoung quipped.

“Just accept the apology.” 

His words were considered before he nodded. “Fine. I accept your not apology.” San sighed in frustration, moving to stand up and storm to his own room. A hand wrapped around his wrist stopped him halfway. “Okay, okay. Thank you. Seriously,” Wooyoung’s expression had softened a bit. Just a bit. 

But it was enough to have San sitting back down on the bed and letting Wooyoung crawl onto his lap to kiss down his throat. He let it happen because he’d resigned himself to this reality long ago. The reality where whenever they would argue, which was honestly a lot, he would always end up in Wooyoung’s bed, with Wooyoung inside him. Every time, he would walk right back to his own room afterwards, feeling no less in love with him. 

It wasn’t healthy. San knew that. He knew he should stop letting it go on, but he couldn’t. He wanted to hang on to the little moments of bliss he was allowed to have without cameras on him. He wanted to believe that the kisses Wooyoung left on him weren’t just his lust making itself known. Because after all this time, San still loved him and didn’t think he was any closer to letting go. 

As always, once they’d both come down and Wooyoung had satisfied himself with licking San clean, he pulled his clothes back on and bid Wooyoung good night, then went back to his room to play games with Yunho. 

He really wasn’t getting anywhere.

❅

“Hyung, have you ever been in love before?”

Seonghwa’s movements stopped immediately, his eyes falling from watching himself practice in the mirror to where San was sprawled out on the floor of the practice room, still panting. It was just the two of them left. All the others had gone home or to some other practice. Seonghwa wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before sitting down beside him. 

“Well, when I was in school I would get crushes-”

“No, no. Have you ever been in love? Actually in love?”

His question seemed to have stumped him. He seemed to be looking through San in his state of deep thought. A little smile spread across his face. “Yes, I think I have.”

“Did they love you back?” 

Seonghwa’s smile faded as he met San’s eyes. “I’m not sure yet,” he said. “But why are you suddenly asking me about love?”

And that was all it took for San to begin pouring his heart out. He told Seonghwa about his feelings for Wooyoung, about the real reason he’d run away the night before signing their contract, about what he and Wooyoung had been doing since Zero to One was released. When he was finished, Seonghwa was just staring at him. San really couldn’t tell what emotion was on his face, but he was leaning towards a mix of shock and disappointment. 

“San, that’s really not healthy. For your relationship with him or for your health.” The mild scolding made him whine in shame. 

“I know, but I-I just want,” his stuttering was so heavy with the restraint of his sobs that it sounded like he was crying anyway and he might as well have not been trying to stop it. “I want to know what it would feel like if he loved me,” he finished. 

Seonghwa scooted closer and motioned for him to sit up. Usually, he would have put up a fight but he really wasn’t feeling up to teasing him and listened. Once he was upright, Seonghwa closed the distance between them and wrapped an arm around his shoulders to pull San into his side. 

“I know this probably doesn’t help, but I’m sure Wooyoung does love you. He wouldn’t act the way he does with you if he didn’t. It might not be the way you want him to, but he does love you, and sometimes you have to settle for whatever you can get.”

San really didn’t like the idea of settling for, what Seonghwa had made it sound like, second best. He nodded, though, and leaned his head against Seonghwa’s shoulder. “Are you settling for whatever you can get?” San asked. 

He could make out Seonghwa’s lips pressing into a thin line in the mirror. “That’s exactly what I’m doing,” he said. 

“Is that why you always want Hongjoong to come home?”

“Yeah. It is.”

San sniffled and turned his head to look up at him instead of through the mirror. “I don’t understand how he doesn’t realize. I used to think that he knew the whole time, but then he acted like he didn’t and-”

“I know,” Seonghwa interrupted gently. “But you know how Wooyoung is. Sometimes he’s the most observant person in the room and others he needs to be hit in the head with a brick in order to realize there’s something right in front of him.” San understood that. He knew that was exactly what Wooyoung was like. 

He looked back to the mirror, at himself this time. He really looked pitiful, leaning fully against his member and on the brink of tears. Seonghwa rubbed his bare arm, only cringing a little bit when he realized it was still coated in a layer of sweat, and moved away. “You really need to stop sleeping with him, San. Things won’t get better until you take that step away.”

San nodded. He agreed with Seonghwa. He had always known that he shouldn’t be sleeping with Wooyoung, that he needed to stop, but it was easier said than done. At this rate, Wooyoung and his attention had become something like a drug to him. 

He didn’t know if he could overcome the addiction.

❅

San had been making a conscious effort to avoid arguing with Wooyoung, even over the little things that it was normal for them to argue over. He was trying because he really did want to take that step away from him and try to get over his infatuation. For the sake of the team.

It was hard. It was hard not to make little quips with Wooyoung anymore, or talk about why he doesn’t like veggies and listen to Wooyoung try to convince him they aren’t that bad, or seek him out during promotional events and go to Mingi or Yunho instead. It was even harder when Hongjoong began to suspect there was something wrong and tried to encourage him to act _normal_ with Wooyoung again.

He had to try harder than he should have to stick to what he was doing. It lasted for all of a week, because then he noticed Wooyoung had started ignoring him in return. He hadn’t done anything, at least not to his knowledge. San had thought about it for a night, then decided he would try to talk to Seonghwa about it. He was walking down the hallway to his and Hongjoong’s shared room when he noticed the hushed voices beyond the door. 

“-and I’m getting really worried about it. This is the second time they’re arguing this month and I don’t know what to do about it anymore,” Hongjoong was saying. 

“They’re not arguing. I told San that he needs to start putting some distance between himself and Wooyoung.”

“Why would you do that?”

San heard Seonghwa sigh, like he was debating whether he should tell the truth or not. “You can’t tell him I told you, but he has feelings for Wooyoung, really strong feelings, and he’s absolutely positive Wooyoung doesn’t. But they’ve been sleeping together, and-”

He was cut off by a mumbled, “Jesus Christ,” and San didn’t stick around to hear anything else. Hongjoong’s voice faded away as he stumbled into the bathroom and turned the water onto scalding. He pulled his clothes off and stepped under the spray, hoping the heat would ebb away the negative emotions building up inside him. He turned the heat down when it got to be too much and ran his hands through his hair. The water ran green down his face and neck from the newly dyed streak in his hair and would surely stain his skin. It would get him scolded by the stylists, that was for sure.

He was already there, he might as well take a shower. He honestly wasn’t sure how long he was in there, but when he finally stepped out in nothing but a towel, he almost ran headfirst into Wooyoung. He tried to push past San into the bathroom, but he stopped him. 

“Did I do something wrong?” 

“I’m sorry?” And San knew what he was doing. He was trying to play dumb until San gave up and left it alone. 

“You’ve been ignoring me. I want to know if I did something wrong.”

Wooyoung’s eyes subtly trailed up and down his body, but he still caught the motion. When he finally met San’s eyes, he seemed to sag a bit. “No. I guess not.” 

“You guess not?” 

“I can’t think of anything you did, so yeah. I guess not,” he explained. San sighed and moved out of the way to let him in the bathroom. Wooyoung vanished without a second look back. He stared at the door, heard the shower turn back on, and his mind conjured images of what was happening behind the closed door against his will. He knew Wooyoung would be half naked, or just plain naked, but he opened the door anyway.

He was faced with a bare back and an angry pout. “Can’t you knock? You’re already done with your shower, get out of mine,” Wooyoung exclaimed. San didn’t even know why he had come back. He just had without thinking about it. 

“I just,” he started, then licked his lips. “I wanted to remind you that we’re filming for Music Bank tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I know. I’m not stupid,” Wooyoung huffed. San really wanted to say that maybe he was stupid, but the last time any of them had told Wooyoung he was stupid with true meaning behind it, he hadn’t spoken to Yeosang outside of what was necessary for two months. 

“Right. Right, sorry,” he mumbled, backing away from the bathroom door. “Just thought I would make sure you knew.”

Wooyoung sighed as he slid the door shut, then it opened again as he was walking away. He gestured for San to come in, and despite the voice in the back of his head telling him it was a terrible idea, he followed. Wooyoung reached over him and pulled individual rubbing alcohol wipes from the cabinet. He ripped one open, then his fingers and the wipe were gently brushing over his forehead.

“I’m sorry, Sannie. This comeback’s just been really stressful,” he said, tossing the now green wipe in the trash and opening a new one to start clearing the stain off San’s neck. He couldn’t say that that was wrong. They were all stressed more than usual with the busy schedule, moods affected one way or another. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. Or ignore you.”

“I get it.”

Wooyoung’s hand dropped to his side along with the dirty alcohol wipe. San took that as his cue to leave and finally go put on something besides a towel. He turned away, but Wooyoung’s hands caught his face, held both his cheeks, and lips were pressed against his. It was undeniably Wooyoung, plump and slightly chapped as always, but it was nothing like how Wooyoung usually kissed him. He was used to rushed and desperate kisses, not the soft and gentle ones he was being showered in. 

His stomach and chest were filled with butterflies, wings fluttering a million miles an hour, but that voice was back, sounding like Seonghwa and telling him to step back and go to his room. San put his hands on Wooyoung’s shoulders and gently pushed until he backed away, a confused look on his face. 

“Not - not today, Wooyoung,” he stuttered. Wooyoung looked like he had something he wanted to say, but San didn’t give him the chance. “Your shower’s getting cold.” 

The expression stuck for a moment before Wooyoung’s jaw set a little tighter and he nodded. With a mumbled “Okay”, he stepped back farther and slipped out of his pants, then stepped into the shower, allowing San to escape the bathroom and go to his room.

Once the door was closed, he leaned against it with a sigh. It had been easier than he expected this time because he had been so freaked out by Wooyoung’s behavior, but what was he supposed to do when Wooyoung acted normal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comeback is tomorrow!! Please don't forget our goals, ATINY! 18M views on the MV on KQ's YouTube channel in 24 hours, 40M in a week, 50M in a month, and 100M in 70 days!!!
> 
> Updates will be every Saturday around 6PM EST!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and I look forward to your continued support.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh,” Wooyoung sounded honestly dejected, but San knew this wasn’t what he wanted to say. It was just him stalling. Finally, he said the dreaded words. “I wanted to talk about the other day.” 
> 
> San had planned on just letting Wooyoung talk and get it over with. Prolonging it would only make more problems and their problems would soon become the problem of everyone else, as it already had with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. San didn’t want that to happen, he really didn’t, but instead of letting Wooyoung talk, he said, “It’s fine.”

The practice room was dead silent. It was eerie, especially in contrast to the usual buzzing energy that was always present. As Hongjoong had once said, they had too much energy. When a staff member had come to pull their leader into the hallway, though, all that energy had dissipated and been replaced by the silence. There wasn’t even a sigh of relief when he came back; the dark look on his face only sent them all down deeper. 

“So, good news is we can push the next comeback up to July,” he started, thinking the “good news” would be enough to lessen the blow of whatever would come next. “The bad news is the tour was cancelled.” 

The sigh finally came, but it wasn’t one of relief. There were some audible complaints, a lot of whining, and San flopped onto the wood floor and curled up in a ball. He’d been so excited for the tour. It had been too long since they’d seen ATINY all over the world properly. He was excited to be roommates with Mingi for another tour. 

Not that he was complaining about being roommates with Yunho. He liked Yunho, too. He was great, and they fit together pretty well with their habits - good and bad. But rooming with Mingi was a change, and it had been fun and he wanted to do it again. 

A hand rubbed soothingly over his shoulders and San looked up to see Yunho sitting above him. He flung himself over his lap, seeking the warmth and the comfort. In the mirror, he caught sight of Wooyoung staring at them with an unreadable expression. It was a little unnerving, but then his eyes trailed over to Seonghwa. He seemed to have been watching, too, and when his eyes met San’s, he gave him a barely there shake of his head. 

He hadn’t told Seonghwa that he’d heard him talking to Hongjoong. He was still trying so hard to help him step away from Wooyoung. He honestly didn’t think he could tell him. There was already too much going on in his brain. Worrying about what the two eldest were plotting together just seemed like too much extra weight. 

With the new, honestly unsuitable, atmosphere, the rest of practice was dismissed. Yunho struggled with pulling himself out of San’s grasp, his head hitting the floor with a dull thunk as soon as he was gone. After a moment of thought, he sat up and announced he would stay behind to get some extra solo practice in. It went mostly unnoticed, but there were some sounds of acknowledgement. The door clicked shut and when San looked up again, he was met with Wooyoung standing behind him. 

He turned his head to look at him instead of through the mirror. It looked like he had something he wanted to say, and even though he wanted to run away from the oncoming conversation, he held his gaze. Wooyoung hadn’t really spoken to him too much since the bathroom incident, as San had dubbed it. He had no doubt that it was what he wanted to talk about. It still looked like he was struggling to form his words and he eventually sat down right beside San with a sigh.

“I was really looking forward to the tour,” he finally said. 

“Me too.”

“Did you know that our tingle interview was uploaded?” 

“Yeah. It’s been up for a while now. Maybe a month or two.”

“Oh,” Wooyoung sounded honestly dejected, but San knew this wasn’t what he wanted to say. It was just him stalling. Finally, he said the dreaded words. “I wanted to talk about the other day.” 

San had planned on just letting Wooyoung talk and get it over with. Prolonging it would only make more problems and their problems would soon become the problem of everyone else, as it already had with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. San didn’t want that to happen, he really didn’t, but instead of letting Wooyoung talk, he said, “It’s fine.”

“It’s - What?”

“It’s fine. I just wasn’t feeling it.”

He stuttered for a moment, that look that just screamed “what’s wrong with this guy?” on his face. “No, that’s not what I meant. I wanted to talk about-”

“Really, it’s fine,” San stood up and crossed the practice room to his water bottle. Wooyoung followed him. 

“Look, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this for days and I finally did, and you’re letting me talk to you whether you like it or not. So let me talk to you and shut up.” San stared at him, lips still around the neck of the bottle. Wooyoung took his opening with his momentary silence. 

“I liked that energy. I liked being… soft with you, and taking care of you. It was nice.” He paused, and when he didn’t continue, San assumed he was supposed to respond. 

“Then… we can just be more vanilla. That’s fine.” He really shouldn’t be agreeing to this. He was supposed to be avoiding it, not renegotiating the terms of their sexual relationship. Wooyoung looked like he had more on his mind, but he sighed and nodded. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay,” he set his water back on the floor and adjusted his hat on his head. Wooyoung turned to the door and left with the promise of dinner when he came back to the dorms. 

Even though Wooyoung had said it was okay, something still didn’t feel right. San kind of wished he’d said the rest of what was on his mind. Needless to say, he didn’t get very much practice done.

❅

San really hadn’t expected to fall victim to being pulled into Hongjoong’s room again. He hated being pulled in there because it meant talking about his feelings with someone he hadn’t directly trusted those said feelings with yet. He especially hated it because Hongjoong was just staring at him. They were just staring at _each other._ It was weird. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong finally started. “I’ve been talking to Seonghwa.”

“I know you have.”

Hongjoong blinked twice. “You do?” 

“I heard you guys talking about me one time.” 

“Okay,” he said again, drawing out the syllables. “Then you know I’ve also been talking to Wooyoung.” 

San’s throat constricted. It was a wonder his vocal cords still worked. “I didn’t know that.” 

“I have. And Seonghwa and I have come to the conclusion that you’re both idiots.” San tilted his head. “Look, he likes you. He likes you a lot, and he’s really upset because he thinks you don’t understand how he feels even though you act like you do, and you and I both know you do understand how he’s feeling.” 

He really had to be an idiot. There was no other explanation, because he really didn’t understand what Hongjoong was saying. He seemed to realize that, if his exasperated sigh was anything to go by. 

“He loves you, too, San.”

His jaw dropped first. Then his head began to shake in slow denial. There was no way Wooyoung loved him, he had seen him with other people before. People that were in love didn’t act like that in front of the person they loved. San didn’t even realize Hongjoong had moved until he had hands on either side of his head, stilling it. 

“He does. So stop being stupid and go get yourselves together. Get together, fuck it out, stay friends, I don’t care. Fix it.”

Instead of shaking his head, when Hongjoong’s hands released him, San nodded and stood up. He opened the door and stepped one foot out before turning back around. He raised a brow, looking annoyed at him still being here instead of where he was supposed to be going. “Seonghwa loves you, too.”

Before Hongjoong could say anything, he was gone and heading down the hallway.

❅

Wooyoung hated crying. He never cried during sad movies, or when sad things happened. It was really rare that he would cry, the most recent time being at their first Seoul concert of the now cancelled tour. 

But sometimes you just needed to have a good cry, and that was what best friends were for. Yeosang held him through it on his bed. He didn’t complain that he was getting tears and probably a little snot on his shirt, and Wooyoung was reminded of why he was his best friend. They picked on each other and they joked around, but when it was needed, they would always be there for each other. And Wooyoung really needed him right now. 

Yeosang didn’t ask any questions, because he knew everything already. He was the only other person besides Hongjoong that he’d told, and he’d told him everything. He didn’t know when, but at some point he’d fallen in love with San, and fallen hard. He thought it might have been during their first tour, but he couldn’t be positive. 

He’d started to come down, reduced to mere sniffles and little whimpers. Yeosang’s hand was rubbing up and down his back. A knock on the door had them separating, Yeosang standing up to answer it and Wooyoung rubbing furiously at his eyes to hide the evidence of his little breakdown. He was surprised to find San at the open door, and Yeosang stepped out of the room to give them space. Wooyoung moved over on the bed to make room for him to sit down. The springs creaked with the extra weight, and silence washed over them for a while. He had no idea what to say, and apparently San didn’t either. 

“Are you okay?” San eventually asked. 

“I’m fine,” he said. The lie slipped out so easily, even though he was a horrible liar, and San only sighed. The silence came again, and again, it was San who broke it.

“I talked to Hongjoong.”

“Did you?” It wasn’t hard to guess what they talked about. San nodded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Wooyoung shrugged. “I didn’t think much would come out of it.”

“Would’ve saved me a lot of heartbreak if you had.” 

He sat completely still for a moment before his brows drew together and he turned his head to look at San. His oncoming question was cut off with soft lips against his. It was everything he had been craving, gentle but incessant, a constant pressure against him. He was climbing on San’s lap before he realized it. 

San’s hands wandered until they reached his hip, then caught on the hem of his shirt and tugged until it was up and over his head, then thrown over the edge of the bed and somewhere into the void of the room. The rest of their clothes were discarded in a similar fashion and soon enough, San was three fingers deep into Wooyoung.

He was already panting, so impatient for what he really wanted. The tips of San’s fingers brushed against his prostate and Wooyoung bit down a moan in favor of whining, “I’m ready, Sannie, please.”

The loss of San’s fingers was daunting, the feeling of being so empty one of the worst he’d ever felt. San moved to sift through the bedside table for a condom but Wooyoung stopped him. “Don’t want it,” he said. He just took the lube from where it had been abandoned next to San’s hip and slicked up his cock, earning a hiss from him. “Want to feel you.” 

When San nodded, it only took him a second’s thought before he was lifting his hips and slowly sinking down onto San in one smooth motion. Wooyoung braced his hands against San’s chest as he adjusted, head leaned forward, eyes closed and his breath bated.

“Do you want me to fuck you now, baby?” San breathed and Wooyoung moaned, nodding eagerly, ready to take everything his San was going to give him.

“Yes, please, Sannie I-“ He didn’t even finish his sentence when San grabbed his hips into a tight, secure hold and thrusted his hips up into the pliant boy on top of him slowly. Wooyoung felt the ridges of his dick drag against his walls with his slow movements and he threw his head back once San hit the perfect spot. The grip tightened even more and he pushed Wooyoung down on his cock again, keeping him there and grinding up into that spot, wanting to see Wooyoung blabber and drool with the pretty stars in his eyes.

His heart clenched upon seeing Wooyoung catching his gaze with a happy wide smile before he leaned in to kiss him slow and passionate, the rhythm of their rolls slowing down even more to savor their kiss to the fullest. 

San knew Wooyoung had everything he needed and wanted, and he knew that he was everything Wooyoung needed and wanted as well. Even though sometimes they may not have too much time available to physically express their love, he knew it was there and that was everything he needed to know.

Wooyoung broke off their kiss to moan into his mouth, pushing them as close together as possible. San held him in place with his grip on his hips and grinded inside him slowly but surely.

“San-“ Wooyoung was able to breathe out before he tensed up and unraveled with a long broken moan in San’s lap, cumming in between their bodies. San held him through it but didn’t stop grinding until Wooyoung was twitching and sensitive, laying limply in his arms. He then chased his own orgasm, which hit him with only a few more thrusts before he spilled inside him.

They slowly came down from their highs, Wooyoung with his head on San’s shoulder and panting. San laid them down on the mattress and covered them with the blanket, and as soon as his head hit the pillow, Wooyoung felt his eyes grow heavy with exhaustion. 

They would have to talk about it in the morning, but for now, they were both content right where they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATINY, let's work really hard to get our boys a win! We don't want another orange juice and pajamas incident, do we? We don't want to watch Yeosang hand their award to another group, right? Please work hard!
> 
> As always, thank you for tuning in and I look forward to your continued support!

**Author's Note:**

> What's this? An actual idol fic??? Much wow. 
> 
> Updates should be every Saturday around 7 pm EST.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and I look forward to your continued support!


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